I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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