If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
