the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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