I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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