One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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