You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
