I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
