I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
