I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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