at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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