Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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