if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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