Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
