a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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