The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
