kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
