When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
