Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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