If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
There's even glitter on my cock...
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