My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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