before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
