You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
