I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
