I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
