Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
