could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
