You were right. It hurts to walk today.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
