Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
