Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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