I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
