I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
