Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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