Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
