the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
