I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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