I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
