When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
