I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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