READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
