I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
