if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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