I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dear god my vagina.
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