Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
