How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
