Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
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