I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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