fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
