This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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