just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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