First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
