OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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