i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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