All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
